Sometimes all you need is a quick, clever joke to lift your mood. These classic short stories are packed with sharp punchlines, witty humor, and timeless comedy that still works every time.
Here are seven funny jokes guaranteed to make you smile.
1. The Classroom Question
A teacher told her class,
“I’ll give two dollars to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was.”
An Irish boy raised his hand.
“It was St. Patrick!”
“Sorry, Sean,” the teacher said.
A French boy raised his hand.
“It was Napoleon!”
“Not quite, Pierre.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand.
“It was Jesus Christ.”
“That’s correct, Maurice,” said the teacher, handing him the two dollars. “I’m surprised you said Jesus, being Jewish.”
Maurice shrugged.
“In my heart I knew it was Moses… but business is business.”
2. Losing $1.25 Million
A wealthy woman and a poor but honest man had grown close.
One evening, he said gently, “You’re very rich, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she replied. “I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.”
He nodded. “I’m poor. Will you marry me?”
She answered immediately, “No.”
“I thought you would say that,” he replied.
“Then why did you ask?”
He smiled.
“Just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”
3. The Magic Desk
Stanley spotted a beautiful antique desk in a shop window and went inside to ask about it.
“That desk is $5,000,” the shopkeeper said.
“Five thousand? For an old desk?”
“Ah,” the shopkeeper smiled. “It’s a magic desk.”
He turned to it and asked, “Desk, how much money is in my pocket?”
The desk tapped its leg on the floor four times.
The shopkeeper emptied his pocket—four coins.
Stanley was impressed.
“Desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
Suddenly the desk went wild, banging its legs for minutes, drawers shaking loose.
Stanley stared in horror.
“Where did she get all that from?!”
4. The Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer visited Australia and met a local farmer.
The Australian proudly showed his massive wheat field.
The Texan said, “We have fields twice that size back home.”
They walked past a herd of cattle.
“We have cows twice that big in Texas,” the Texan bragged.
Then the Texan noticed kangaroos hopping across the land.
“What are those?” he asked.
The Australian looked confused.
“Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
5. The Pig Farmer and the Government Officials
A government official asked a pig farmer what he fed his pigs.
“Just scraps I have lying around,” the farmer replied.
“That’s animal cruelty!” the man shouted. “$10,000 fine!”
The next day, another official asked the same question.
“Only the finest foods—caviar, artisan cheeses, fresh salads.”
“That’s too rich for pigs! $10,000 fine!”
On the third day, another man asked.
The farmer sighed.
“I give each pig 20 bucks and let them shop for themselves.”
6. The Honest Answer
A teacher once asked her class, “Who here thinks they’re stupid?”
After a long silence, one boy stood up.
“Do you really think you’re stupid?” the teacher asked.
“No,” the boy said. “I just felt bad seeing you standing there alone.”
7. The Perfect Ending
A woman had a near-death experience during surgery.
She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God replied, “No, you have 30–40 more years to live.”
After recovering, she got a full makeover—facelift, liposuction, hair change, everything.
Feeling brand new, she left the hospital… and was immediately hit by an ambulance.
Standing before God again, she cried, “You said I had 30 more years!”
God looked at her and said,
“I’m sorry… I didn’t recognize you.”
