Before you have kids, parenting looks simple. You watch other parents in the supermarket thinking, I’d never let my child do that. Then you have your own child… and suddenly you’re the one getting the looks.
Parenting teaches you many things. Patience. Worry. Creativity. And, most importantly, a deep appreciation for humor. Because if you can’t laugh, you’ll cry.
Here are some laugh-out-loud jokes and stories that prove parenting is one of the funniest jobs on Earth.
Parenting Comes With Worry
A young couple has their first child. For three years, the child never says a word. They hire doctors, therapists, specialists—nothing.
One morning, at age five, the child looks up from breakfast and says:
“My oatmeal’s cold.”
The parents are stunned.
“Why didn’t you speak before?” they ask.
The child shrugs.
“Up until now, everything was OK.”
Like Father, Like Son
A delivery driver knocks on a door.
A small kid answers holding a beer and smoking a cigar.
The driver asks, “Are your parents home?”
The kid takes the cigar out and says,
“What do you think?”
Discipline Isn’t Optional
A mother asks her two sons what they want for breakfast.
The first says, “I’ll have some @#$%^& pancakes.”
He’s immediately sent to his room.
She turns to the second son, furious. “And what do YOU want?”
He says,
“I sure don’t want the @#$%^& pancakes.”
The Birds and the Bees
A farmer is helping a cow give birth when he notices his five-year-old son watching.
Thinking it’s a teachable moment, he asks, “Do you have any questions?”
The boy stares wide-eyed and says,
“Yeah. How fast was that calf going when it hit the cow?”
Dad Jokes Are Revenge
A little girl flips through a photo album and asks her mom:
“Who’s that good-looking guy on the beach with you?”
“That’s your father.”
She looks confused.
“Really? Then who’s the old, bald man who lives with us now?”
Mom Jokes Are Survival
- You know you’re a mom when Mama Bear’s porridge being too cold suddenly makes sense.
- You lick something off your finger and think, Please be chocolate.
- Mom’s iced coffee recipe: Make coffee. Forget coffee. Microwave coffee. Forget coffee. Drink it cold.
Spoiled or… Spoiled?
A father sits on a bus with his one-year-old who begins crying loudly.
An old man says, “That child is spoiled.”
The father replies,
“No… they all smell this way.”
Parenting Is Teaching… Sort Of
A shark and his son see swimmers.
“Let’s circle them with our fins showing,” says the dad.
“Why?”
“Because they taste better without all the poop inside.”
Faith and Parenting
A mother finds her son trying to dunk the family cat into a bucket of water.
“What are you doing?!”
“I’m baptizing Muffin.”
“Cats don’t like water!”
“Well,” he replies,
“he shouldn’t have joined my church.”
Sleep Is a Memory
A baby camel wakes his dad at 3 a.m. for water.
“Another glass?” groans the dad.
“That’s the second one this month.”
Who’s the Favorite?
My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise party.
That’s when I realized he was her favorite twin.
Coping Skills
When my daughter was born, we recorded the birth.
Now, when she makes me angry, I hit rewind and put her back in.
Parenting is exhausting, stressful, loud, and messy.
But it’s also unintentionally hilarious.
And sometimes, the only way to survive it… is to laugh.
