1) The Pearly Gates Lesson
A devoted minister passed away after more than four decades of faithful service and found himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates. The clouds glowed softly, the golden gates shimmered, and Saint Peter checked names from a massive book as souls waited their turn.
Ahead of the minister stood a man who looked wildly out of place: sunglasses, loud Hawaiian shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. He looked more like he was waiting for a taxi than eternity.
Saint Peter looked up.
“Name and occupation?”
The man grinned.
“Joey Shasta. Retired airline pilot.”
Saint Peter flipped through the book, nodded, and smiled warmly.
“Ah, yes. Please take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The pilot slipped on the robe, accepted the staff, and walked through the gates like he owned the place.
Now it was the minister’s turn. He stood tall and spoke proudly.
“I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s Church for forty-three years.”
Saint Peter checked the book again, paused, then handed him a plain cotton robe and a simple wooden staff.
“Please take these and enter.”
The minister was stunned.
“Excuse me? That man was a pilot. I devoted my life to God. Why does he get silk and gold while I get… this?”
Saint Peter replied calmly,
“Up here, we judge by results.”
“Results?” the minister asked.
Saint Peter smiled.
“When you preached… people slept.
When he flew… people prayed.”
2) Family Legacy at the VFW Hall
Three elderly veterans sat around a table at their local VFW hall, swapping stories and proudly boasting about their family legacies.
“My great-grandfather,” one said, “was only thirteen when he served as a drummer boy at the Battle of Shiloh.”
“That’s impressive,” the second replied. “Mine rode with Custer and died at Little Bighorn.”
They turned to the third man, who sipped his drink quietly.
“Well?” they asked. “What about your great-grandfather?”
He shrugged.
“I’m actually the only soldier in my family. But if my great-grandfather were alive today, he’d be the most famous man on Earth.”
The others leaned forward.
“Really? What did he do?”
“Nothing special,” he said.
“But he’d be 165 years old.”
3) The Bar Mystery
A sharply dressed lawyer walked into a bar and ordered a martini. He noticed a scruffy drunk sitting beside him, staring intensely at something in his hand.
The man squinted at it.
“Looks like plastic…”
He rolled it between his fingers.
“But it feels like rubber…”
Curious, the lawyer leaned over.
“What is that?”
The drunk shrugged.
“No idea. Looks like plastic, feels like rubber.”
“Mind if I take a look?” the lawyer asked.
The drunk handed it over. The lawyer examined it carefully, turning it this way and that.
“Well,” he said, “you’re right. It looks like plastic and feels like rubber… but I have no idea what it is. Where did you get it?”
The drunk paused, then replied casually:
“Outta my nose.”
