A very drunk man stumbled through his front door at six o’clock in the morning, hair wild, clothes wrinkled, and shoes barely on straight. His long-suffering wife had been sitting awake all night, growing more furious by the minute.
The moment he walked in, she exploded.
“I hope you have a VERY good reason for coming home blind drunk at this time of the morning!”
He swayed slightly, blinked at her, and replied calmly,
“Yes. I’d like some breakfast.”
Fishing While Drunk
A drunk ice fisherman staggered onto a frozen lake, drilled a hole in the ice, and leaned over to peer into the dark water.
Suddenly, a loud voice boomed from above:
“There are no fish down there.”
Startled, the man shuffled several yards away and drilled another hole. He leaned over again.
“There are no fish down there.”
Now annoyed, he walked about twenty yards farther and drilled yet another hole.
Again, the voice thundered,
“There are no fish down there!”
The fisherman squinted up at the sky and asked,
“God… is that you?”
The voice replied,
“No, you idiot. It’s the rink manager.”
Wisdom of the Ages
A 72-year-old man had one true hobby in life: fishing. One quiet afternoon, he was sitting alone in his boat when he heard a voice say,
“Pick me up.”
He looked around, confused. No one was there.
Again, the voice said,
“Pick me up.”
He looked down and saw a frog floating beside the boat.
The frog spoke,
“Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, kiss me, and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. All your friends will be jealous because I’ll be your bride.”
The man stared at the frog for a moment. Then he reached down, picked it up gently, and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog protested,
“Are you crazy? Didn’t you hear what I said? Kiss me and I’ll turn into a beautiful woman!”
The man opened his pocket, looked at the frog, and said,
“Nah. At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”
With age comes wisdom.
